- 28 january 2005 -

Can't You Stay Awake?


it used to be whenever i would talk to God just before bed or in bed i would usually fall asleep mid-sentence. usually very soon after i had begun and much quicker than if i just laid down to go to sleep. i would then have a guilt trip, thinking to myself what a jerk or a loser i am.

i used to think this was at worst a sin and at best a problem, or sign of disrespect. the basis for my thinking was when, at gethsemane, Jesus asked the disciples to "keep watch and pray" and they kept falling asleep.

this morning i believe God was telling me "what better way could there be to fall asleep?" much like a father stroking his child's face and talking to them as they fall asleep. i believe God enjoys it...

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- 9 january 2005 -

Shame


i believe that most guys that might be reading this can identify with the lyrics i am posting here today. i don't mean this to sound condescending at all, but i also believe that most, especially those who are true believers, would never admit it. that is a huge problem for the body of Christ.

my personal struggle with pornography and the battle in my mind started long before the internet exploded onto the scene. however, because of the ease of access and relative anonymity, it got all the more intense ever since. i have just had a bout with internet porn this past week. this time i lost. however, in the last two years, i have gone from giving in to it being the rule in my life, to giving in to it being the exception. this is utterly not of my doing. i have gained victory through the one true and living God of the Bible, Jesus Christ, and you can too. He died for it...

blue by sometime sunday

when i see her walking slowly my way... i cannot help but to notice... those legs that kill eyes that stare... my mind works it's wonders and all i can feel

shame

i'm so ashamed

one more look won't hurt no one will ever know... as i slowly rape her with my eyes... forgive me God forgive me wife... i lay down my head to this whole lie

shame

i'm so ashamed

why do i do those things which i do not want to do... what i do behind the door in my feeble mind is the same as if done in the flesh... i sometimes wish when i was born i would have been born blind... but i caused the shame it's my eyes that wander i am so ashamed

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- 1 january 2005 -

Another Year, Sheesh!


another year, sheesh!

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